I see that dear Jan (I always call Jancis Robinson that) has just been awarded an OBE. Now, of course I wouldn't normally mention this - as a good socialist I find the idea of a Queen handing out awards honouring an Empire somewhat unattractive. When it comes to my turn, I shall certainly decline.... But of course it is at least a compliment to wine-writing, and I've been most perturbed not to see reports of Jan's achievement in the local press - though they've been full of the same award being made to a footballer - Packham, his name is, or something like that. I'm sure that in England, where they really respect wine, that Jan's award will have been much better received than this one to Kickem.

A couple of true and charming stories to tell you, as I'm in a benign mood and less ready than ever to criticise anyone. Apparently, at the Pinotage Association's recent tasting, winemaker Charles Hopkins told how, at the first such event, a pourer came up to pinotage pontiff Duimpie Bayly, very worried and wide-eyed, asking what he should do, because one of the wines being poured was a Cabernet. 'Don't worry,' Duimpie responded, 'it just goes to show how versatile Pinotage can be.'

The other story is perhaps a little shocking, but at my age one is past worrying about propriety. It concerns the name 'QF' which Rustenberg gave to its Brampton sweet wine. Apparently an abbreviation was born when one Antipodean winemaker was visiting another Antipodean winemaker - the one who'd made the first of these sweeties. 'Gosh!' (or word to that effect), said the visitor on tasting it, 'that's better than a Quick Fix!' (I find that I am, after all, too old-fashioned to use the correct word in print - but I'm sure all of you who've had the dubious pleasure of meeting Antipodean winemakers will understand....

Given that American culture increasingly rules the world, and particularly given that American dictionaries are firmly lodged as the default in most people's computer spell-check, it is inevitable that we shall all be using American spelling in a few decades. Not necessarily a bad thing. But you'd think for now our national legislature would at least be a little careful and maintain high standards when it comes to being consistent with earlier legislation, wouldn't you?
I mention this because producers have recently been informed of the wording of a health warning that must next year appear on all our wine labels. The warning is to help severe asthma sufferers. You'd think that they would know what dietary precautions to take, wouldn't you? And if they don't, is it likely that a message on a bottle giving the problematic ingredient of most wine would be a great help? Presumably not all wine-loving severe asthma sufferers are half-wits, and if they've survived thus far, the chances are that they nknow whats in a wine bottle.
But we have became very good in South Africa with the cheaper end of public health-care. So you might have thought that 'Contains sulphites' would do the trick, being consistent not only with everything else English in South Africa, but also with all the sulphurs and sulphates already in the legislation. But no, the American inspiration of the legislation is matched by American spelling, so that the instruction has gone out to all producers to warn us that their wines contain 'sulfites'. Perhaps the problem is that the legislators are advised on wine matters by the Wine and Spirit Board, which has its own attitude to laws. Perhaps Distell prefers the American spelling and sent out the appropriate instruction?

I'm told that Rust en Vrede has a new marketing assistant - it was mentioned to me by a Johannesburg friend who rather fancies both owner Jean Engelbrecht and the new chappie, a former waterpolo Springbok named Duncan Woods. What intrigues me is how this reflects the state of modern wine: when a small producer has so many more marketers than winemakers or viticulturalists! No wonder they are lauded by American magazines like the Wine Speculator!

On the subject of marketing, I heard some interesting tales about the Fleur du Cap restaurant awards (I think they only happen here in Cape Town, and are not of much significance even here, so will readers from elsewhere just move to the next paragraph, please?). One complaint of many of the diners seeking cheap good meals at fancy restaurants during the competition is that they get one measly glass of wine - when the whole point is to advertise Fleur du Cap wines. I'm told that the reason for this is that the restaurants have to pay quite handsomely for the wines themselves, because the appropriately named Christine Cashmore, who runs the show, demands such a big cut of the financial action. Also, in a way that makes wine show results seem positively respectable and un-chancy - the winner of the 'waiter of the year' part of the competition is determined by all the nominations being put into a hat and one lucky one drawn out....
Actually, perhaps Veritas could learn a thing or two from Ms Cashmore about methods of getting more plausible results. They don't need to learn much about greed - it has always amazed me that no one seems to wonder why they need to be given twelve bottles of each wine entered - plus a fee, of course.

I'm pleased to hear that Juliet Cullinan's show in Joburg went so well. She kindly sent round a mass email telling us so, and (after a bit of her not only purple, but gilt-encrusted, prose) listed all the media that had mentioned it. Among these was her own website - most reassuring to know that she hadn't ignored it. Strangely, she didn't point out that my last column also spoke of her show, nor the widespread discussion about the bizarre inappropriateness of having curry cooked and served between the wine-tasting tables at her event.

Talking of wine shows, I am trying to organise things so that I can meet my public at the WineX shows in Johannesburg and Cape Town. I don't know where they found the money (none ever comes my way as even token payment for this column), but Grape has somehow managed to get itself a stand. In fact, the only way I heard about it is that a very malicious rumour came my way that they were going to put my picture on a dart-board and invite people to ... well, you know. Obviously this hurtful tale is quite untrue, and I do hope I shall be there in person to meet you all.

Till then, watch those sulfites.