‘So? is the winner at least vaguely plausible, my good
Deputy?’
‘Yeah … well, it’s arguable .. it’s not Saxenburg’s top
shiraz (the R420 version got, er, three stars … , but yes, it’s fairly
respectable.’
‘At least it’s from Stellenbosch. And the runners up –
from good areas, I hope, Xtian!’
‘Well, Feehona, the wine that came second (and so nearly
first) is from a new producer in – what? Ceres. Ceres? Where’s that? I
thought they made peach and apricot juice there? Three-year-old vines….
Then there’s something from Robertson. Then two from Darling. Now
Darling’s good, huh? Cool climate! Doesn’t matter that the Cloof is from
the cheaper and particularly vulgar end of their range, I suppose? I’d
guess it’s semi-sweet and 16 percent alcohol.’
‘Cheap is good! We’ll please all the cheapskates who
write in and congratulate us on rubbishing all the pretentious expensive
wines and revealing how good the cheap stuff really is, unlike Platter
where they just look at the labels! This magazine has to appeal to
someone.’
An uneasy sigh and a hiccup from the Deputy Editor,
who in his more honest moments doesn’t think he’d choose to spend much
time reading the
magazine – apart from his own column – if he didn’t have to.
‘And what about the follow-up vintages of previous
winners? Have we at least got a bit of reasonable continuity to make it
look like there’s some consistency in the whole business?’
‘Well, um, not quite. Kleine Zalze 2003 won last year,
the 2004 this year got three stars – same as the Kleine Zalze
second-label version. The year before it was Simonsig Merindol that won.
This time that got …oh … two stars. Do you think we could maybe say that
the vineyards are getting younger? Perhaps they had to replant them? Or
maybe the winemakers forgot how to handle the grapes properly? What
would Michael say, do you think?’
‘Something jolly convincing, I’m sure. But I do hope
Boekenhoutskloof has done really well – especially after your squabble
with them earlier this year, Xtian when we didn’t put them on the list
of wineries whose existence our readers should be reminded of when they
cast their considered votes for the best in the country. We’ve not been
very consistent about the Boekenhoutskloof Syrah over the years…
everything from two stars to five, sometimes even for the same
vintage….’
‘Pretty well averaged it this time, I’d say. A solid
three. As for Sadie Family Columella – god, look, it’s the most
expensive wine on our list, so it’ll go straight to the bottom of the
one-star wines! Another triumph for those who’ve never tried it but are
convinced that the cheapies are really better! I think we’d better just
call it Columella in the mag – leave off the Sadie bit, perhaps no-one
will recognise it – no-one’s ever drunk it in South Africa except a few
smart-arse journalists anyway!’
‘Talking of which, Xtian, are the results going to get
rubbished by Pendock – you know he’s on his populist anti-competition
kick, and these do look a bit, er, vulnerable to analysis!’
‘Shouldn’t think so. I reckon it’s mostly Platter and the
Trophy Wine Show he’s got it in for (did you see his little déjà vu rant
in the last Sunday Times supplement?). But earlier this year he was
pretty nice about the Swiss Awards, maybe because the organisers were
nice to him, giving him flights and flattery instead of telling him to
piss off. He writes in our mag, I’m sure he won’t say anything nasty
(you haven’t also sacked him have you?)! But as for those swine at
Grape, well, grit your teeth.’
‘Who cares? No-one reads that rubbish anyway….’
